Day 5 – dealing with fear and failure

You have a choice to make. You could be like everyone else and think about it. But what happens when we think about doing something?

Quite often fear sets in and stops us dead in our tracks. Once fear sets in, indecision follows. With indecision comes procrastination. With procrastination comes paralysis, and nothing changes. That is one choice. There is, however, another choice.

Fear

Go to your notebook now and answer the following questions, as your fears could be paralyzing you:

• What are my fears?

• What have these fears prevented me from doing?

• What experiences caused each fear?

• If I face each fear head on, what is the worst thing that can happen?

• What can I do to overcome each fear?

The other choice is to do the opposite. Don't think about it, "just do it" as Nike says! If you just go and do it, what is the worst thing that can happen?

Right, you may fail. And if you fail, what is the outcome?

When I was 22 years old, I realized I lost the first 20 years of my life. I was born in a small family business and did not have a normal childhood. After school I would help my parents in the business. I did not play sports or go on vacations like other kids did.

By the time I was 11 years old, I was running a part of the business. But then as I became a teenager, I developed a bad case of acne, and in the process lost my self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth and hid from the world.

It wasn't until I was 18 that I looked at myself for the first time in the mirror in over five years. However, this time was different. I wanted to get to know myself.

Over the years, I got to know myself really well, from the inside-out. I also got to learn how one becomes a product of their environment. At the same time I got exposed to a lot of motivational training.

By the time I reached 20, I noticed how people, including myself, were lacking courage because of fear. I soon realized that fear was nothing more than a state of mind and what the mind thinks about, it will attract. It was at this point that I started to build up my courage by facing my fears head on. As a door-to-door salesman at the time, I overcame the fear of cold door knocking and became a successful salesperson in the process.

As I overcame my fears and developed more courage, I also noticed how people dealt with failure. Knowing that I do not follow the crowds and that I usually do the opposite, I decided to explore failure. What I found was that people would beat themselves up when they failed, lowering their self-esteem, self-confidence, and courage levels to the point where they do not take action—fear of failure.

When I realized the opposite, the learning that comes out of failure, I decided to give myself permission to have 10 learning opportunities a day. The more I fail, the more I learn. However, I do not beat myself up; I build myself up once I learn the lesson. I have failed so often in my life that the cards are now in my favor for success. Don't you wish you could fail and learn more often?

Note

Make a note

F.A.I.L. = First attempt in learning.

Remember, that success is based on good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. And how does one get experience? Sometimes we have to fail often to succeed once. But that fear of failure stops us from even trying. That is one of the reasons we procrastinate.

We think about it too much. If you just do it and fail, what is the worst thing that can happen? You will learn a lesson. If you really want to succeed, you may have to double your failure rate.

When I realized this, I developed a "do it now" attitude. I no longer thought endlessly about things, because I realized that the longer I thought about doing something, the longer I would hesitate before doing it; or, I might not do it at all.

I put procrastination behind me and started to just do things without thinking, realizing that the worst that could happen is that I would learn something.

Failure

Failure is part of my daily life. I don't always take the time to think things out. I am a doer; I learn and move forward by doing.

This gives me lots of opportunities to fail, and to be criticized. I have experienced so much failure in my life that I am now wise because of it. I believe that both failure and success are part of life's balance.

The more you try, the more you fail—and the more you succeed! If you don't try, you'll neither fail nor succeed.

When society realizes the good that comes out of failure, and recognizes people for trying, the world will be better for it. All success comes from failure. No one in the world has succeeded without first trying, failing, learning, making changes, and moving on.

Always remember that you have the right to fail; you no longer have to make excuses for your failed attempts. Instead, reflect on that failure and learn from it. That experience will provide you with better judgment for the future, and will eventually lead you to success.

Failure is not easy to accept, but there is an alternative way to get around it. When people fail, they have a tendency to beat themselves up through their self-talk. When you do this, you are lowering your self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth. You do this to the point where you no longer take risks or try to do something out of the ordinary. You have become like a lot of other people and no longer takes risks.

The alternative is to rebuild that courage that you used to have as a child. To do things and to accept failure as a part of life's learning.

However, when you fail, do not beat yourself up—look for the lesson learned. Once you have found a learned lesson, pat yourself on the back for having the courage to do something you have not done before. This, in turn, will build your self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth.

It will give you the courage to succeed in life and make you feel good about yourself.

Note

Tip

Warning: Patting yourself on the back too often can go to your head. To avoid ego trips, always end the pat on the back with a hand movement across the neck, indicating that you do not want it to go to your head.

You need to be able to see the good behind every experience in life. Rather than criticizing yourself or others for failure, recognize the things that were done right, the effort of trying, and the lessons learned. So, what is stopping you from moving forward?